Orange hands and dirty fingernails: Family do

Tonight, I am going to a swanky hotel and staying over for my future mother in laws 60th birthday party. I have been anxious about tonight for sometime as I am going to meet a lot of pies family members I haven`t met before and wanted to make a good impression. In preperation, last night me and my sister had a "ladies night" and fake tanned eachother. Unfortunately I forgot to bring my gloves with me. I woke up this morning and my hands are glowing! I have frantically trawled the internet looking for solutions to my radioactive orange hands. So far today my hands have had a 20 minute soak in lemon juice, a 15 minute "toothpaste mask", have been exfoliated within an inch of their lives, scrubbed with cillit bang, household bleach and sugar and baby oil-nothing has worked! Now my hands are red aswell as orange, wrinkly and withered, and very very sore. I am now going to pies place of work (he is a bus mechanic) in the hope I can borrow some swarfega, before purchasing some hydrogen peroxide on the way back home from the chemists. I just wasn`t born for glamour!
Also I have put some pictures up of disgusting/ridiculous/cool/vile/funny wedding related things I have seen.
Oh! and one more thing! To make things worse I start my placement on Monday at a hospice.............how will anybody let me near their very poorly family members when I look like I emit radiation!! :S